WARNING: ABANDONED; Amnestied for disarm_d
's Halloween Pornomeme
Title: Listening to N*Sync Doesn't Make You Gay (But Wanting to Kiss Your Best Friend Ain't Straight)
Summary: In which, they are big fat pop dorks, and Spencer discovers a problem inherent in growing up
Warning: THERE IS NO UNDERAGE SEX PRESENT IN THIS FIC, I PROMISE; however, the fact that thirteen-year-olds have hugely embarrassing private parts IS discussed. At, well, length.
Notes: I'm sorry, the "It's Almost Halloween" video made me do it. For shihadchick
, because they encouraged me to start it. Please be aware that I don't actually know the details about the boyband dudes or their music, and I have fudged details like dance steps and DVD titles all over the place.
"No, no, no, no
--cross, back cross, turn, point, backstep, slide
together." Ryan comes over and fits himself behind Spencer, his knees against the back of Spencer's knee. "C'mon, from point
Spencer gamely points with his right hand and sweeps it across the invisible audience, steps back on his left, and tries to step his right foot back to match it, but Ryan's leg is in the way, slowing him, Ryan's hand firm on his thigh forcing his foot to stay on the ground as it came back, and something weird is going on with Spencer's dick
, which he only learned to call his dick in the locker room two weeks ago. It's sort of--oh, god, and that really appalling video from school last year makes sense, and it's perfectly normal
, no, really, Dad swore up and down that even being in that video didn't make it not true, but this is a hell
of a time to decide to grow up.
Desperately, Spencer tries to pretend this isn't happening. "Um, right," he says, voice cracking, but thank god that's been pretty normal for the past few months, anyway, Ryan won't notice. "Slide. Keep my toe down."
"Yeah," Ryan confirms, sounding pretty oblivious, which is good, but also? He can get his long fingers off Spencer's thigh any minute now
. "And then it's hips
--" he pushes at Spencer's butt, and Spencer cannot
take this anymore, and shoves back.
And Ryan's hand slips further up his thigh, too far up
and brushes against Spencer's dick, and he just. Freezes.
Spencer springs free and sort of shouts, "You should go," and he takes off pounding up the stairs as fast as he can manage, slamming the door behind him so he can writhe on the bed in humiliation in peace.
It's two long days until Monday morning, and in the course of the weekend Spencer's found his embarrassing new problem poking--well--popping--er--reasserting
itself for the taste of caramel, birdsong, two people who live in the television set, clean pajamas sliding on after his shower, the smell of aluminum pots boiling dry, and, apparently, the fact that it is nine o'clock.
It's sort of reassuring, because hey, apparently his body's new decision to humiliate him had nothing to do with Ryan, Ryan's hands or his warmth or his voice or his--hips, yes, hips is the best word for--hips. His dick just had bad timing. Nothing to do with Ryan. Nothing.
On the other hand, neither James Van Der Beek nor Charisma Carpenter knows
that they are having this effect on him, so it doesn't really solve all that much.
Also, Spencer's mom is very pointedly Not Asking about Spencer's weekend of solitude, but she made sure he saw her packing a Ryan share of dessert in his lunch, so clearly she expects him to fix it.
doesn't want to go to school today.
And then they go to school and awkwardly don't talk about it, and then Ryan even MORE awkwardly tries to talk about it, but Spencer's just like, “It's normal!” and “It's nothing--” trying desperately not to mention that he thinks Ryan's collarbones are really pretty and Ryan's face maybe falls a little bit but he just says, “Duh, like I'm not also a teenage boy.” And they are cool for a little while, but they don't really practice the NSYNC dances anymore, and when Crystal offers to watch the video with them they both kind of blush and look away hurriedly and suddenly Ryan has something to do far, far away from the Smith house.
ANYWAY, finally the school announces a Halloween dance and Ryan gets really serious about picking out Just The Right Costume and hauls Spencer to all the Goodwill and DI stores in a ten-mile radius and keeps trying on all these bizarre outfits that totally should not be hot, but somehow they always have something that makes Spencer stare, a hole over Ryan's knee or a low shirt that lets him see a slice of Ryan's chest, and Spencer spends a lot of time talking in a high-pitched cracking voice and then running away some more, pretending he has just remembered he saw the perfect thing for that outfit. And then he brings back, like, a gold lame skirt and Ryan hits him and things are totally normal.
Except finally Ryan decides to wear a slim-fitting suit with a top hat and the night of the dance he gets all dressed up and he makes Spencer put on his eyeliner, and they're so close
and the tip of Ryan's tongue darts out and Spencer is about a tenth of a second away from kissing him when his mom pokes her head in and says he's doing the eyeliner all wrong.
It's totally a lame middle school dance, the lamest of lame, and like, nobody is dancing at all, and mostly they stand around with Brent and Trevor and talk about how lame the dance is, which is extremely lame. And finally Brent gets bored with this and tries to think of some way to make the dance less
lame, which turns out to be going over to the D.J. and putting in a request, and the familiar intro to “Tearin' Up My Heart” rings out over the shitty gym sound system. Spencer and Ryan give each other panicked looks, but Trevor says, “Oh, c'mon, guys, I dare you,” and the thing about Spencer is he can't turn down a dare, and the thing about Ryan is he would never let Spencer do a potentially humiliating thing like this all by himself.
The middle of the room is pretty clear, since everybody's been making it really clear they are not dancing at all, and so when the first verse comes to an end, Spencer and Ryan are alone on the dance floor, and Spencer nods at Ryan to count him in. And they dance. And it's awesome
. Spence stumbles once or twice, has to keep glancing at Ryan to remember the exact order of the steps, but they pull it off, and after another verse a few other insane fans start to creep to the edges of the dance floor and join in. The teacher who is DJing, not being insane, immediately starts another NSYNC song after that one, and they go through like, four before she runs out of material. By that time they're sweaty and hot and grinning at each other, reckless, and they duck out the back door to the cool clear air, laughing.
They can't stop smiling, even as they tell each other how gross they look all sweaty, and behind them the gym is busy now, full of kids laughing and actually sort of dancing. Spencer stumbles and Ryan catches him by the elbow and pulls him back up again, and then suddenly they're standing still, hot in the cool night, not laughing but still smiling, and really, really
close together, and they're never able to say afterward who kissed who first.